To: Women From: God

I was unfortunate enough today to come across this article in Elle magazine, which masks itself as a feel-good article about unconventional beauty, but quickly turns into a self-righteous diatribe by the author in which he expects to be congratulated on his ability to be attracted to "average-looking" women.  

The intro goes something like this:  He sees two girls in a bar.  One is "pretty."  One is not.  He goes for the one who isn't pretty because she doesn't throw up after meals (like the pretty one must). The pretty girl gets mad and the not-pretty girl falls all over herself with glee that she has finally upstaged her genetically gifted friend.    

So many things about this article bother me that I can't list them all here, but there is one thing in particular that many of the reactions to this article have seemed to leave out (google it--feminists are pissed): Kirn basically says that all pretty girls have terrible personalities.  According to him, pretty=vapid, shallow, and anorexic.  While he makes similarly unfounded generalizations about the non-pretty girls, at least they're making a good impression.  These ugly girls are interesting.  They eat pasta.  They are happier because they don't worry about the way they look.  But not only do the "pretty" girls that he talks about get automatically overlooked by him because they must be incredibly uninteresting, but they are also jealous and spiteful.  Obviously, when Kirn chooses the average girl over the pretty girl, the pretty girl doesn't know what is happening. There is a shift of power.  In short, the pretty girl gets pissed.  She probably pouts.  And then goes for a run (you know, so that she can still be skinny even if she didn't get hit on at the bar last night).

Mr. Kirn basically boils down the female population to two categories: Pretty (i.e. boring, dumb, and obsessed with appearance) and Not Pretty (i.e. interesting, intelligent, and happy). 

Thank god for you, Mr. Kirn.  I wish I could meet you so you could instantly judge me based on my appearance and then make me feel grateful because you like me better than my pretty friend. *Swoon*