Worr-E

It's no secret that I have a certain (some would say unhealthy) affinity for all things Disney and Disneyland.  I celebrated both my high school *and* college graduation at Disneyland, the only difference between those and my childhood trips being the penis jokes that arose (excuse me) from the prevalence of signs advertising "foot-longs." (There are lots of hot dog stands there.) So, maturity all around, really.  Yesterday I dragged my (very cooperative, thank you) boyfriend to see "Wall-E" on opening weekend.  Yes, I paid $10.50 to watch a cartoon.  But it turns out, it was not just a good Disney movie, but a really good movie.  

In fact, the main thing I would worry about with Wall-E, is that I have no idea how it is going to connect with kids.  The movie has almost no dialogue, and is really a pretty bold environmental and societal statement.  There are more references to "2001: A Space Odyssey" than anything else, and most of the jokes will go straight over kids' heads.  I think the kids sitting next to us dozed off halfway through the movie.  All of the laughs and awwws came from the adults in the audience (including me).

Of course, there is some hypocrisy inherent in the film, especially since it is coming from Disney. (Don't think just because I love to ride the Peter Pan ride, I don't know how evil Disney is.  It is an internal conflict I deal with every day.)  For those of you who don't know, Wall-E is a movie about a trash-compacting robot who is left on earth after it has been deemed uninhabitable by humans.  The remaining humans are left flying on Royal-Caribbean-style cruise spaceships, where their lives have become so sedentary that they take all their meals in cups and don't know how to walk.  There is an evil corporation that encourages nothing but buying and consuming (Disney, anyone?), overproduction of waste and pollution (Disney, anyone?), and an unhealthy brand alliance to the huge corporation (ahem).  

So, Disney-Pixar has released a film that is decidedly pro-environment, anti-corporation, and anti-consumption.  I'm assuming Wall-E dolls have already gone on sale.  Wall-E's love interest, Eve, would make a pretty cute clock radio.  And that wonder of a man, Steve Jobs, somehow got an ipod product placement, as well as the Apple start-up chime worked into the movie, which was otherwise--to my knowledge--devoid of any product placement.  Perhaps I am being a bit cynical here, but I can't help but think that Disney is doing nothing but capitalizing on the recent green movement (kind of like Wal-Mart's "see how green we are?" commercial that encourages consumers to buy Brita pitchers instead of water bottles).  

I loved the movie, but can't help but feel, well, a little suckered.  I wonder if my thinking "Great!  Disney finally released a socially-conscious movie" is exactly what they want me to think.  They have lured me in once again.  I'm just their puppet.  Like Pinocchio.  Ha.  Jiminy Cricket. I love that movie.  Wait, what was I talking about? I'll take that clock radio now.  

Under my umbrella...uh...uh...uh?

I'd like to thank eonline.com for this little gem (please take note of the first line): 

To be fair, I don't think anything can really be described as a "thinking-person's (something)," but this seems especially egregious.  

Although, she is a master at the extended metaphor:

"Shut up and Drive"

I've been looking for a driver who's qualified

So if you think that you're the one step into my ride

I'm a fine-tuned supersonic speed machine

With a sunroof top and a gangster lean.

So if you feel me let me know, know, know

Come on now what you waiting for, for, for

My engine's ready to explode, explode, explode

So start me up and watch me go, go, go.

Get you where you want to go if you know what I mean

Got a ride that's smoother than a limousine

Can you handle the curves?  Can you run all the lights?

If you can baby boy then we can go all night.

'Cause I'm 0 to 60 in 3.5

Baby, you got the keys

Now shut up and drive, drive, drive.

Reason #7,342 I love European football

The Dutch go up 4-1 in the 91st minute against (a much higher ranked) France.

Announcer (yelling): "It's a Dutch oven, and the French are toast!"

That is the best thing any sports announcer has ever said.  

Best. Sport. Ever.

Strawberry Shortcomings

Noooo!  This is what the terrible people who own Strawberry Shortcake are doing to her:

She is skinnier, freckle-less, and her hat now boasts a trendy bill.  The worst part?  She isn't even wearing an apron!  Blasphemy! Apparently, toy companies want to turn little girls into sassy bitches who constantly talk on their cell phones instead of playing with their adorable (and delicious-smelling) friendly cats.  Where has all the cuteness gone?  

Just keep your hands off Rainbow Brite! 

Dumb dub

I was recently watching the TV edit of 40-Year-Old Virgin, and although most of the bad words were just bleeped out, sometimes they opted for a dub.  Most of them were just ridiculous (I think one was actually "mother butter"), but there was one scene where the phrase "Fuck me in the asshole" was replaced with "Fudge me in the rathole."  I'm not sure exactly what "Fudge me in the rathole" means, but it sounds a whole lot dirtier than the original phrase.  

It reminds me of an edited version I once watched of Good Will Hunting.  While Matt Damon and Robin Williams's characters are hugging it out, Damon says something to the effect of, "Does this violate the doctor-patient relationship?" The original reply: "Only if you grab my ass."  The edited reply: "Only if I turn around."  I think that elevates things a bit, no? 

Oh, American censorship.  How futile and ineffective you are.

To: Women From: God

I was unfortunate enough today to come across this article in Elle magazine, which masks itself as a feel-good article about unconventional beauty, but quickly turns into a self-righteous diatribe by the author in which he expects to be congratulated on his ability to be attracted to "average-looking" women.  

The intro goes something like this:  He sees two girls in a bar.  One is "pretty."  One is not.  He goes for the one who isn't pretty because she doesn't throw up after meals (like the pretty one must). The pretty girl gets mad and the not-pretty girl falls all over herself with glee that she has finally upstaged her genetically gifted friend.    

So many things about this article bother me that I can't list them all here, but there is one thing in particular that many of the reactions to this article have seemed to leave out (google it--feminists are pissed): Kirn basically says that all pretty girls have terrible personalities.  According to him, pretty=vapid, shallow, and anorexic.  While he makes similarly unfounded generalizations about the non-pretty girls, at least they're making a good impression.  These ugly girls are interesting.  They eat pasta.  They are happier because they don't worry about the way they look.  But not only do the "pretty" girls that he talks about get automatically overlooked by him because they must be incredibly uninteresting, but they are also jealous and spiteful.  Obviously, when Kirn chooses the average girl over the pretty girl, the pretty girl doesn't know what is happening. There is a shift of power.  In short, the pretty girl gets pissed.  She probably pouts.  And then goes for a run (you know, so that she can still be skinny even if she didn't get hit on at the bar last night).

Mr. Kirn basically boils down the female population to two categories: Pretty (i.e. boring, dumb, and obsessed with appearance) and Not Pretty (i.e. interesting, intelligent, and happy). 

Thank god for you, Mr. Kirn.  I wish I could meet you so you could instantly judge me based on my appearance and then make me feel grateful because you like me better than my pretty friend. *Swoon*